The Me Paradox

Be a Quitter

 

I hear this all the time: No matter what, don’t quit! Quitters are for the weak and lazy. Quitting is poor character.

Yeah, whatever.

We then flip the table and applaud quitting supposedly ‘bad’ things as good, responsible and even heroic. Like quitting smoking, drugs, or any other habit that’s considered undesirable.

So what’s up with that?

Quitting isn’t inherently good or bad. The above statements aren’t entirely false, but they're not true either. Like everything in duality, it can go either way depending on the circumstance. The gauge that qualifies quitting as either positive or negative is in its consequence – has it created more for you, or less, as a result?

As I always prefer to speak about the upside of things, today I’ll speak to the awesomeness of quitting.

Quitting offers many gains, chiefly:

Creative Potentials: Quitting says no to stuckness and invites flow. It’s a fresh new start that flings open the door to new beginnings and untapped opportunities.

Self-respect: Quitters are authentic enough to quit what doesn’t align with them, in order to re-align with things that truly matter to them. Quitting is an act of self-worth.

Courage: Quitting is for the brave. It’s for visionaries and mavericks who want to pave their own way, their own destiny. It’s about exploring frontiers beyond the comfort zone to discover new worlds created from their dreams. 

Aliveness: Quitting ends the sleepwalking as you begin to live out your dreams. You become more of yourself, living according to the passions and values that make you come alive.

This all sounds good, but quitting isn’t for everyone. As you can see, it’s reserved only for the most fearless, confident and intelligent of the bunch. It takes balls to quit and discernment to know what to quit and when to do it. It’s also about not caring about appearances and how other people judge you – quitters quit to please themselves, not others. This is also only for the determined ones who possess the steely resolve to take charge of their lives and dive into the unknown. Quitting isn’t for the weak, lazy, or poor of character – they’re the real deal.

Mark Twain once said, “The secret to getting ahead is getting started.” I’d like to add, “... and that often starts with quitting.”

Dear reader, what will you quit in return for a new start? Do you have what it takes to be a quitter? 

Don't Fake the Funk

 

All of us get into a funk once in a while. 

A funk is, well, a funk.... It’s one of those moments when you’re feeling a bit funky, wonky, out-of-sorts for no apparent reason. It usually hits you out of the blue and sinks your energy down to a point where you feel unmotivated, cranky, anti-social, and straight-up crappy. It can last an hour or a few days, but the good thing is that it’s always temporary.

The problem is, most of us only look at a funk as a negative thing to overcome as fast as possible. And why shouldn’t you? It certainly feels awful. There’s all kinds of advice out there on how to get out of a funk, and I’m sure they’re all helpful to one degree or another. I’m not suggesting that you don’t do something about it, but before you do, take a moment to get real with it. In other words...

Don’t fake the funk.

This means to stop trying to avoid it or reject it, but instead be a bit curious and invite it in for a date. Resist the urge to label it as negative and to try to sugarcoat it with positive thoughts – this is how positivity gets its cheap reputation.

True positivity is a high-frequency activity that can’t be forced when you’re vibrating at the bottom of the bucket. It’s much more compassionate to take an honest inner look and learn to befriend yourself at these moments. That way, not only are you kind to yourself when you most need it, it also generates genuine positivity arising from – and not in spite of – your funk. This is how you authentically raise your vibration from dragging around in the dumps to walking on cloud nine.

To truly master a thing, you must understand it, and a funk is no different. It’s simply an emotional state that has a strong charge, and like all emotional states, it’s bound to pass. The more you come to accept this as part of what you’re feeling in the present, it will lose its stronghold. The more you take a straight look at it with a compassionate eye, the more it will soften. Understand that this is where you are and what you’re feeling, in this moment. Stay with it.

Don’t fake the funk.

Be real. If you want to do nothing, do nothing. If you want to be alone, be alone. If you want to cry, let it all out until the tears dry out on their own. If you want to scream, hope you shatter some windows.

There’s a natural breath – an ebb and flow – to everything in life. As the tide recedes only to roar back in, as day surely follows night, as the dip in the roller coaster provides the momentum to reach the top, it continues in this way, again and again. So consider the funk not as an unnatural feeling, but one that’s both natural and necessary – one that allows you to understand and fully appreciate the joy that’s inevitably bound to follow. 

Don’t fake the funk.

See how keeping it real can help you find a permanent remedy for the blues, which is to see it clearly for what it is: a heads-up to brace yourself for something pretty amazing that’s about to come your way.

 

[Image credit: cafepress.com]

Cut the Crap Already!

 

This comes as a follow up to, and as a great example of, my last post, "I May Not Be Perfect, But...."

I ran across this quote today and couldn't resist calling it out. I can't stand it when I come across pseudo-inspiration like this. I don't understand why society, especially women, think they have to open up with a disclaimer before saying something nice about themselves. It only makes whatever self-respecting and self-liking statement that manages to surface sound weak, small, and frankly, pathetic.

What's up with the long-winded disqualifying prelude before your aria? If you're going to toot your own horn, just toot it.

I know many of you suffer from what our parents, teachers and other authority figures told you when you were young, that it's not proper to shine your own light, that modesty is a sign of good little boys and girls. I know all about this, because I was programmed that way too, until I woke up one day and said fuck it – I'm going to be me, and I'm going to let me shine.

A good whopping dose of self-regard is never boastful. It's not proud or vain. It's a sense of being so genuinely full of your own worth that you simply expand your brilliance – your 'you-ness', your 'you-niqueness' – out to the world and those around you. It's a beautiful thing to behold and people instantly feel attracted to, and are inspired by, someone like that. Why not make that person you? 

So don't ever worry about sounding arrogant – that only applies to people who fabricate a puffed-up image of themselves in order to cloak their lack of self-worth and self-acceptance. The laughable thing about it is that although they think they're fooling others, others can see straight through their thin, transparent shell. 

Now back to the above quote. My suggestion is this: let's cut the crap and just be brilliant already. Like the exercise on my last post, let's omit all the extra words that apologize for your limitations and simply leave in what truly matters: "I'm good at being me. I'm proud of who I am today." That's it. That's honoring. That's sexy. That's empowering.

No more but!

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." ~ Marianne Williamson

 

[Image credit: bestimagequotes.com]

I May Not Be Perfect, But…

Some quotes I grabbed online:

I may not be perfect, but parts of me are pretty awesome. 

I may not be perfect, but I am amazing, loyal, honest, and one of a kind.

I may not be perfect, but I'm always me.

Why do so many people start off their well-meaning, self-motivational sentences with, "I may not be perfect, but…?" Is that supposed to make them feel better? That they're less than perfect, but... gosh darnit, they're okay with that? Really? Does that sound uplifting to you? To start small and end with just "good enough?"

We all know that no one is perfect. I believe it defies explanation. And if you seriously don't know why no thing and no one is perfect, then you're off the hook – please read no further. But for those who do know, who I hope is every one of my readers, please hear me out.

Whenever I read or hear these "I may not be perfect, but I'm blah blah blah…" statements, I take the intention behind them to mean, "I may not be perfect, but I'm perfect as I Am."

So why not cut the crap altogether and simply delete the first part, the "I may not be perfect, but…" part, and cut straight to the chase of your "I'm perfect as I Am" part?

Let's take the above three example statements and reframe them this way:

Parts of me are pretty awesome.

I am amazing, loyal, honest, and one of a kind.

I'm always – simply, beautifully, perfectly – me.

Now. Doesn't that sound much better? Much more empowering? Much more commanding? Much more authentic? Much more believable?

The original statements say, timidly, "Hi. I'm puny little me. I know I'm not much to look at, more less write home about. But I promise that I have some redeeming qualities about myself that I can convince you – and myself – of, if only you know where to look, and look hard enough."

The new declarations say, "I Am that I Am. So eat it." Now that's bold, that's sexy, that's irresistible. 

So next time you're tempted to start with the apologetic, "I may not be perfect, but…," have the courage to just say who you are with, "I am me. I am perfect – just the way I AM."

The end.

A Newer, Kinder Resolution

It's the 10th day of the new year. How are your resolutions going? Has the excitement of the new year begun to wane along with the excitement of your resolutions? Or are you someone who decided to get real with yourself and made this year the year of no resolutions?

The types of new year's resolutions are generally quite common across people everywhere, with perhaps a few differences in degrees. Each involve changes in behavior that would result in either a desired physical or experiential improvement, or both.

The operative word is improvement. Whether you want to be healthy, get fit, quit whatever bad habits you think you have, spend more time with loved ones, enjoy life more, or work on helping others, it's pretty much about fixing, or bettering, something that you believe needs fixing or bettering. It comes from the premise of criticism and nonacceptance of where you – or others – are today.

I have a friend whose only new year's resolution is to be kinder to others. And that's a beautiful thing. But as we can only give what we have, my view is that it could be even more helpful to everyone involved if we took a slightly different spin on that warm-hearted affirmation. That is, to switch the one word others to me: "My new year's resolution is to be kinder to me."

Be kinder to yourself. Kinder instead of kind because you can't go from not kind to kind overnight. It's a kinder, gentler way to work your way up to being totally kind to yourself at every moment. It may seem impossible now, but as you become more kind and less unkind to yourself, you'll soon see how impossibly unkind it was to have ever been so unkind all the time.

Kindness doesn't criticize. It accepts. Kindness doesn't need to fix or improve anything because it accepts that all is perfect as it is, and whatever seems imperfect now is simply in its temporary state of transitioning into an even more perfect state, to then become more perfect than that, without end.

Change isn't an event as it is a process. In the process that you become kinder to yourself, your "improvements" will take shape naturally, gracefully. And the business of being kinder to others will be an automatic, organic by-product of your own kindness to Self. As you – your essence – becomes kinder, what you reflect to others can only be the same in kind.

Be kinder to yourself. That may be the only new year's resolution worth keeping if you know what's kind for you and everyone you meet.